Oh, to be Juan "More Bite" Rodriguez. He is a personal trainer who lives in Las Vegas, NV, and possesses the chiseled magnificence of a Greek God, probably Apollo. To Major League Eating’s knowledge, he has never taken voice-acting classes to improve his Australian accent—“G’day, ladies! I’m Juan!”—with the intent to better his chances of joining his hometown’s famed Thunder From Down Under revue. But if he did, who would blame him? His Twitter profile photo is a cruel reminder that youth has long left most of us; his life, unlike most, is no taudry march to the grave. That he Tweets more than any other MLE Eater only reinforces the point. Over and over and over, his ripped torso and powerful biceps invade the computer screens and smart phone displays of those who follow him, driving them to new depths of self-loathing and, with that, usually another donut. And the thought: If he held me close, in those arms, would I finally feel safe? More than his striking physicality, however, Juan More Bite has grabbed the attention of the eating community's chattering classes. He logged a string of impressive performances at the MLE table in 2012, most notably in the Slugburger (23.5 in 10 minutes), Gyoza (146 in 10) and Tamales (60.5 in 12) disciplines. He ate an astonishing 22 Nathan's Famous hot dogs and buns in his first qualifying attempt and MLE debut. According to his Twitter feed, he is regularly dismayed by his personal training clients' predilection for canceling their sessions at the last minute. Why, he asks, do people do that?