Esper Crushes Field To Set New Pizza Record!

Westminster, CA Bow down and hope he don't hurt you. Geoffrey Esper. A world record 83 slices of John's Incredible Pizza Co. 10-inch pizza in 10 minutes. First place. A fetching Championship belt. Two thousand dollars. And an utter beatdown brought upon everyone else who dared shared the stage with him on this day.

This was not pretty but the purity and completeness of Esper's win made it a thing of beauty. It was like watching the most violent thing imaginable move with grace and poise, like a tidal wave wrecking complete and utter devastation come landfall. This was 100 timpanis beating in unison. This was a Howitzer battery in full roar. This was complete and total domination.

Which is to take nothing away from others who celebrated the return of pizza to MLE's slate of sanctioned eating championships at the John’s Incredible Pizza World Pizza-Eating Championship. They did their best and we live in a world where that's enough for some people. It's simply that Esper's performance cast such a shadow that it's hard to see their place in history. Note that Matthew Stonie, world number three, ate 61 slices to Esper's 63, and that Gideon Oji managed 48 slices. Others ate less. Full results below.

For those keeping score at home—and you are keeping score at home—that's two wins in a row for Esper. You wouldn't bet against a third when next he steps to the Major League Eating table.

FULL RESULTS! 1. Geoffrey Esper 83 slices in 10 minutes, new WR 2. Matt Stonie 62 3. Gideon Oji 48 Zaria, Nigeria 4. Michelle Lesco 38 Tucson, AZ 5. Juan Rodriguez 34 6. Pablo Martinez 32 7. Jon Bello 31 8. Sarah Reinecke 29 9. Crazy Legs Conti 24 10. Doug Ecks 22