Cincotti Sets Staggering Sweet Corn Record!

West Palm Beach, FL Well, that was something. Bad news for corn, good news for the history books, one could posit, and so it was as Carmen Cincotti ate 61.75 ears of Florida sweet corn in 12 minutes to set a new world record at the 2017 National Sweet Corn Eating Championship.

The previous record, set in 2016 by Yasir Salem, stood at 47. Cincotti, as anyone who has paid scant attention to this column or to Mr Cincotti's various social media emissions, does not care about the past. He does not acknowledge the time before his ascent. It simply does not exist. It is immaterial. He had never eaten sweet corn in sanctioned MLE competition previously and had no idea how many he could eat. That is because he does not use the past results of others as a guide. He exists, simply, in a vacuum—a soundless cloud in which all he can hear is the beat of his heart and the pounding of his ambition. And so he ate 61.75 ears of sweet corn in 12 minutes. If you told him the record was five ears in 12 minutes, he would have eaten 61.75. If you told him the record was 105, he would have eaten 61.75. Because all he does his him. He is the living embodiment of the sentiment "you do you." The Mutiny be The Mutiny. QED.

Asked for a reaction to his world record-setting performance by MLE reporters, Cincotti replied that he thought it was “A-maize-ing.”

So that's that. Cincotti walks into West Palm Beach, opens his mouth, devours 61.75 ears of Florida sweet corn, MLE history, the souls of his fellow competitors and a giant trophy in 12 minutes of competition. He has stated that due to his commitment to education he will be sitting out MLE events until the upcoming Queens, NY, Nathan's Famous qualifier on June 18th. MLE, for the record, commends his stance on learning. But one fears for those hot dogs, just as one fears, dare we say it, for Joey Chestnut himself.

Time will tell, of course, and history shall record. And it is not this columnist's place to get too far ahead of himself. But make no mistake: This record-setting feat is significant and it is chilling. The Mutiny offers no quarter.

Others ate less.

FULL RESULTS! 1st - Carmen Cincotti NEW WR 61.75 ears in 12 2nd - Gideon Oji 49 3rd - Yasir Salem 45 4th - Badlands Booker 31 5th - The One Called Dud Light 29.25 6th - Pedram Esmaeelzadeh 27.75 7th - Mr Michael Rodriguez 20 8th - Matt Matador 17