Jaws Chestnut Sets World Shrimp Cocktail-Eating Record

Joey "Jaws" Chestnut of San Jose, CA, the world's #1-ranked eater, ate 9.25lb of Shrimp Cocktail in eight minutes on Saturday, December 7, 2013, in Indianapolis, IN, at The World Famous St. Elmo Shrimp Cocktail-Eating Championship—Located At The Meijer Tail Greater Party On Georgia St to set the inaugural world Shrimp Cocktail-eating record.

All of which is a very dry, fact-based way of saying that Chestnut did what Chestnut does. He came, he saw, he conquered. MLE's Latin scholars might muse that Chestnut—in his veni, vidi, vici approach to life—is our sport's Julius Caesar. Only without the toga or the assassination and with a smaller nose. On this day, the signature Shrimp Cocktail from famed Indianapolis steak house St. Elmo was to be Chestnut's Pharnaces II of Pontus. The jumbo shrimp, covered in St. Elmo's lauded and very horseradishy sauce, stood no chance. The battle was swift. The result unequivocal. Chestnut 1; Shrimp 0. Vale, shrimp. This is what history records.

Marine biologists who don't speak Latin might muse that "Jaws" Chestnut prevailed against some decapod crustaceans that exist far lower down the food chain. The great white shark is an apex predator of the seas and has no natural predators that scientists can cite. But then it gets confusing because if you're a marine biologist, you likely know that the great white's scientific name is carcharodon carcharias, which means you know some Latin after all and should probably know what veni, vidi, vici means. It's complicated.

People who are neither marine biologists nor Latin speakers might muse that Joey Chestnut is a national treasure, a beacon, a role model and the north star for a nation that has lost its way. And they would be right.

Later that evening at nearby Lucas Oil Stadium, Michigan State snapped Ohio State's school-record 24-game win streak with a 34-24 victory in the Big Ten championship. The victory knocked Ohio State out of the BCS National Championship Game. Joey Chestnut was in attendance.

Bonus fact: "The World Famous St. Elmo Shrimp Cocktail-Eating Championship—Located At The Meijer Tail Greater Party On Georgia St" is the longest event title in MLE history. When Trebek asks, now you'll know.

FINAL RESULTS! 1st - Joey Chestnut, 9.25lb, $1,000 2nd - Yasir Salem, 5lb, $500 3rd - Crazy Legs Conti, 4.25lb, $300 4th - Matthew Raible, $200 5th - Tracy Mmm Mmm Goode 6th - Craig "The Doctor" Evans