MLE

 

Alex Perez

 

 
 

Bib Sheet

Dallas, TX
Age: 41
Weight: 205

Mark "The Moose" Messier won six Stanley Cups and is second on the NHL's all-time points scored list. Alex "The Moose" Perez, to the best of MLE's knowledge, has never played professional hockey, not even at a minor league level. Truth be told, we don't even know if he can skate. He probably doesn’t understand how to run a basic low zone collapse formation on defense, let alone the diamond formation when attempting to kill a power play.

But Mark "The Moose" Messier never ate 112 Hooters wings in 10 minutes and Alex "The Moose" Perez did, so there's that. Messier never competed at one of our sport's most august stages, the original Hooters restaurant in Clearwater, FL. Perez did. Messier plied his trade in dumps such as Madison Square Garden, where the food and facilities have nothing on those found at the original Hooters. I mean, try finding a steaming mound of Buffalo shrimp for under $30 at the Garden if, indeed, you can find them at all. And don't start on the manner in which wings are served at sporting arenas in this country: Pallid, limp, sad. They are nothing like the almighty Hooters wing. Nothing at all.

True, as of now, there are more differences than similarities between Messier and Perez. Messier was never a member of the US Marine Corps; Perez was. Messier is a Canadian of all things; Perez is an American. Messier earned millions in his career; Perez, to date, has won $300 at the MLE table. But they do share the most important thing: The will to win, whatever the cost. Watch this space. The Alex "The Moose" Perez story has just begun.