MLE

 

Brian "Dud Light" Dudzinski

 

 
 

Bib Sheet

Phoenix, AZ
Age: 31
Weight: 185

In the winter of 1777-1778, General Washington sought quarters for the American Continental Army at Valley Forge, PA, which is four miles to the south-east of present-day Phoenixville, PA, which is the hometown of MLE’s own Brian “Dud Light” Dudzinski, who is the 24th-ranked eater in the world. Whether these facts are related is a matter of opinion and we shall leave you to cast your own.

We can all agree on one thing, however: Washington would approve of the proud American who has grown up in his backyard, all these years later. Dud Light is a tall, oak-like example of this nation’s masculinity at its best. He is strong, true, kind and as honest as the day is long. His appearance has been said to resemble that of a suburban municipal pool lifeguard, or of one of those college students who works construction during their summer break to save up for a hotrod. (One rumor, the veracity of which MLE has never been able to ascertain, is that he is the reason Abercrombie & Fitch considered changing their name to Abercrombie & Dudzinski, such is the man’s all-American bearing. We don’t know. Maybe Katie Couric can find out.)

Oh, and the kid can eat. He has consumed 21 Nathan’s Famous HDBs in 10, 9.25 TooJay’s corned beef sandwiches in 10, and 16 pepperoni rolls in 10. But one gets the feeling that more regular appearances at the MLE table would see Dud Light truly challenge the leading lights of our sport. That he is yet to realize his true potential. That his finest hour is yet to come. Like Washington before him, perhaps he must become battle-tested—and, yes, taste defeat again—before the sun shall shine upon his assured countenance, warm and happy in the glow of victory.

He has every opportunity to write his story in the annals of MLE history. May he do so in his own unique and elegant penmanship.