Simpson Wins Broadway at the Beach Event

This weekend confirmed that the man known simply as ChipBurger is one of the hottest eaters on the circuit.

On a lovely afternoon at Broadway at the Beach in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, Chip improved on the performance of last year’s steeplechase champion, Humble Bob Shoudt. Early on, the crowd grumbled when it was told Mr. Humble had stayed back in Pennsylvania to wax his Scion, but all in attendance soon forgot 2006 as enthusiasm built around the mano-a-womano battle between Chip and his comely rival, Ms. Juliet Lee.

Simpson handily took the first three rounds, barely breaking a sweat. The fourth round, consisting of four deep-dish pan pizzas, was the most challenging for Simpson, but he finished in four minutes. In the final round, dessert, Simpson beckoned a massive brain freeze to down six Italian ices in 37 seconds.

The crowd applauded Simpson throughout, but also took a liking to his foe, Juliet Lee. Close friends and training partners, Eric “Steakbellie” Livingston and Micah “Wing Kong” Collins, were also crowd favorites.