MLE

 

Boastful Boone Back in June
3/10/2006

Dale Boone, the eater known worldwide for his deft hand with reindeer sausage and an uncanny ability to prove the resiliency of today’s machine-milled denims, has reported he’ll be back from India in time to compete in the 2006 Nathan’s Famous circuit.

The Aaron Spelling of Atlanta’s Hindi public access scene, Boone moved from his air-conditioned Buckhead manse to Bangladesh late last summer to produce Indian music videos on the cheap.

“I don’t think Dale quite grasps the meaning of outsource,” said Jed Donahue, the business-minded jalapeno eating specialist of Southern California. “I’ve always wondered why he went to India himself rather than simply sending over his workload. For kicks maybe.”

In the eight months Boone has been in India, he has actually compiled an extensive library of new material and he states he will return this summer with hours of tape ready for air, and an ability to focus on competitive eating full time. His talk of late is pure Boone, and it would seem he’s more than ready to restore his position as one of the least-liked eaters in the IFOCE.

“I could care less about any other eater,” Boone said in a recent phone conversation. “Bubba Yarbrough? Excuse me, Bubba who? Who’s that? That’s nobody, that’s who that is.”

It’s not yet clear where Boone will stage his comeback, but it’s sure to be a colorful affair. The baked bean eating champ who often appears at events ringing a cowbell and screaming unintelligibly, has stated that American eating fans will be shocked by the ‘New Dale.’ Sadly he has fallen short of hinting at exactly what form this New Dale will take.

“I don’t think anybody will be too surprised,” said competitive eating mouthpiece Beautiful Brian Seiken. “Unless Boone took a class in etiquette. Now that would surprise me.”